Oh yeah – I forgot – She’s a Narcissist

Every now and then, you fall for it.  You think you live in a somewhat normal world.  You think certainly logical things will happen.  But a narcissist will never cease to find ways to surprise you.  If you are choosing to stay like me, you’ll get those reminders from time to time.

Yesterday, after several failed days at working in time for sex, we sort of reached that point where she accepted that it had been long enough and we needed to make it happen.  The kids were all out in different places, although one was coming home soon.  I commented that I was hoping we’d have time for sex while the house was empty (hint – don’t add things like, “and you’re in the mood,” or, “and you’re still awake/sober.”)

She replied, “Well, we could try real quick.”

One of the top rules is not to question a comment like that.  It’s like getting sleep when you have a new baby.  Take it, no matter how long it might last.  So we darted upstairs.

I’m pretty giving when it comes to sex, and I knew our time might be limited.  I decided to start just by focusing on her.  As it turns out, we had 30-40 minutes before anyone got home, and so she had a good long time of attention focused on her.  Not to get too graphic, but multiple orgasms, and she was reluctant to move away even as the door downstairs was opening (normally she would jump up and run away).

I commented that it wouldn’t take long to finish my part of the deal when we had a little more quiet time, and she seemed to reply in good spirits that we would do that.  It’s not unusual to have to break and come back to it.  And I think all adults realize that once you’re in the middle of a sexual encounter, stopping in the middle requires you to finish the job at some point, or you will be insane with sexual thoughts until you reach release.

So we get to the evening, and as soon as the last kid is asleep, I am at her side where she is watching TV.  Her show ends at a reasonable hour and the news comes on.  She always wants to see the news.  I mention that it would be a good time to finish what we started, and we could even do it in a way that allows her to watch the weather.  This, too, is not unusual.

Instead, she starts acting disgusted that I would think of that rather than getting more sleep.  I tell her it’s really not very late, and we have plenty of time.  She acts even more disgusted, then gives a “if you have to” sort of indication.  Now, I know I mentioned there is a rule about taking advantage of every window you get, but I’m not into having sex with someone who is that disgusted with the idea.  I’ve done a lot around the house, with the kids, taking care of her needs, and carved out reasonable time for sex we had earlier agreed upon.  Nothing changed, and I wasn’t wimpy and begging for it.  No reason for her behavior.  I told her that I didn’t want sex with her if she was disgusted by the idea, and went to bed.

That may have upset her and kept her up late.  That may have made her feel rejected.  Or she might have been happy that it worked out the way she wanted.  I don’t care.  I’m laughing at myself for setting an expectation that I would get my fair turn.  Oh yeah – that’s right – she’s a narcissist!

It does give a good foundation for me to mention that our sex life is lacking.  Not to beg her for sex – but to tell her that I’ll need to find sexual release more often.  I’m working on the exact sentiment (not the wording – that always gets changed in the midst of an actual conversation).  But whether to tell her I’d like for her to be part of it but it’s her choice.  Or whether to explain that she needs to step it up.  If pressed for consequences, I’ll either need to say that I’ll seek it elsewhere, go to a strip club, take long hot showers and lather up, or maybe just let my penis to the driving.  Yes, I need to settle on a sentiment.  I’m not here to be secretive, so I just need to decide what my statement is and what consequences I’ll pursue.

Any thoughts?